I Wish You Roses

The Social Game Plan

I suck at being an entrepreneur.

Everyone in my family has an anxiety diagnosis. Nobody taught me how to talk to people, and as a result, I've been stumbling around networking and school events and getting absolutely nothing out of them. It's frustrating, really; I bring everything I think I need, and sit in places where I think I stand out, but people walk around me as if I'm invisible. What's that about, you (and I) ask? Well, it's because I haven't learned the art of people.

After having this stomach-turning revelation while eating a bowl of cereal, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I began researching how to talk to people, and after a lot of muck and mud, and came across a goldmine of a book called Captivate. I'm only around 100 pages in, but the writer, Vanessa Van Edwards, describes herself an awful lot like me, and I connected with her and her writing almost instantly. I will dedicate this length to writing about my favorite concept from the book so far: the Social Game Plan, and how I have articulated it as someone with extensive social difficulties.

So, why do we even need one?

There is absolutely no way to fake being an extrovert. I can confirm for you that I've failed plenty of times. That is a very natural thing that comes to certain people, but even they become exhausted after a while. Some people are better at faking things than others, but let's be real, if you are here reading this article, chances are, you are in a similar place as me: damn near invisible anywhere near the center. So, we have to play to our strengths, and that means having a plan to use whenever we are at any event where networking might be necessary.

Additionally, it's very important to have a plan just in case an opportunity arises! You never know when you might find yourself somewhere that you can take maximize the use of. It's easier to plan for an event you know is coming up, but having a plan prevents you stuttering and falling apart when you meet a new person that could be of help of you.

Now, enough yapping about that... what is the plan?

Creating your Social Game Plan

Tip 1: Go to places that you feel the most comfortable!

This is a lot more important than people think. I don't drink, so I don't find myself going to many bars or clubs. If I go to an event at one of these places, I stick out like a sore thumb because I won't take part in any of the festivities. That makes me feel and look awkward and effectively strains the networking stream to nothing. Instead, I've made a list of places I'd prefer to network to make things easier for myself, as follows:

You don't say yes to every opportunity that presents itself to you! That's very common advice that just doesn't work for everyone. Make your own list of places you like to talk to people and seek out events at these locations instead.

Tip 2: Avoid the social traps.

Even at your favorite networking locations, there are certain places you should not go to socialize with people. Some are more obvious than others, but I'm going to name the few that specifically stuck out to me:

The Entrance: Entering any new place will often overwhelm a person. They will focus on becoming acquainted with the layout of the location, and if you are nearby, they will probably look over you. Wait until people get acquainted and then try to talk to them.

The Food Zone: Especially at buffet style events, you should not ever stick near the food. People are not going to be focused on talking to others more than getting food. If you want meaningful conversations, avoid the area as best as possible. Instead, try coming up and getting multiple plates of food to see who might need someone to talk to.

Wherever your friends are: Simply put, once you sit down with your friends, the rest of the night will fly by and you won't get anything meaningful out of the event. Only go to them when your set goal is met.

Oh, and speaking of goals: set realistic goals for your events. You do not need to make 10 connections per event. In my case, I try and make at least two connections per event. It's a reasonable goal to meet and also avoids stressing me out. This goal can increase as you become more comfortable with networking, but small goals being met is better than no goals being met at all.

Tip 3: Find the right places to be

Unfortunately, while we don't need to be extroverts, we're still going to have to exist in a room in order to make those magic moments happen. However, it becomes easier when sticking around certain social hotspots. Here are the ones I've been trying lately:

Near the food... kinda: So, it's ok to stay near the food sometimes, but you should not plant yourself there. Note the people who are near the food and talk to them after they get their plates. They may be there by themselves, or if they're not, maybe they'll invite you to their table to talk. And if they don't, that's ok! They might be there for a different reason, or just to see people they're familiar with. Don't let one let down deter you from continuing to reach out!

When an opportunity arises, take advantage of it From my own experiences at Black Tech Saturdays, there are usually announcements for when people should network. They may not say it directly, but pay attention to what the people around you are doing. Or even do something as simple as starting "Big Talk" (another term from the book) with the person next to you. There are always opportunities as long as you take the time to look for them.

Anyways, what I got from the Social Game Plan chapter is to figure out who you are, where you work best, and own it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert in the business world, but you have to take the initiative to get yourself out there. There is no growth in the comfort zone, but we can accommodate ourselves as best as possible while stepping outside of it!

So next time, I'm going to try not to be as invisible, if I can help it. The other step is to make it happen... and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.